The Art Of Belonging in Community (Part I)

Medieval city of Sibiu, Romania [Photo by Camil Ghircoias, license]

Jesus provided us with a model for living a connected life. He said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself." Luke 10:27

Our family spent over twenty years living abroad because of the development work my husband does. Our first assignment, as a newly married couple, was in the picturesque Sibiu, Romania. We arrived there a year after their communist president, Nicolae Ceaușescu, was ousted and executed. Hardships were aplenty, and it was there that we learnt the importance of community and what it meant to belong. We cherish those memories dearly.

They had a lifestyle of connection.

Our landlady taught me that Gogoși (donuts) were not to be made in a mixing bowl but in a bucket, for neighbours needed to eat too! At harvest time, we received cherries in crates to distribute to those around us. When wine-making season arrived, it was a village affair: big and little people eagerly stomping on home-grown grapes. We adopted an open-house, open-kitchen policy, which reflected how everyone lived—generously investing in relationships.

We did eventually have to leave, though; my husband's work assignment was over, and a new contract had to be signed. Our hearts were uprooted, and we yearned for another extended family to love.

For the first ten years, I missed my native home, Zimbabwe, terribly. There were moments when my greatest desire was to dig my hands in 'home soil' and I wept with longing. I thank God that we were able to visit it occasionally. Eventually, the pain eased, but we always looked forward to the day when we could settle again, to be a part of a community where our family could make long-term connections.

We finally had the opportunity to settle back in my homeland. Although we've been back for over twelve years, my children, in particular, still feel a strong sense of wanderlust. They struggle with being "third-culture" kids, which refers to children who have spent a significant part of their developmental years outside of their parents' culture. As a result, they never had the chance to establish firm roots in any one place.

We've prayerfully processed what this means for our family and have tried to develop a sense of belonging to a community and culture. It is a slow process.

Wired to Connect

In her TED talk about 'The Power of Vulnerability', Brene Brown says that

"… connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This [connection] is what it's all about."

We are 'neurobiologically wired' to connect, and it's the reason we are here.

I'm grateful that Father God led us to follow Charlotte Mason's method of education. Her approach is unique in the way it emphasises the importance of connection. It has been a journey of connecting, of learning to know and be known: learning to belong.

Complete Connection

"The days have gone by when the education befitting either a gentleman or an artisan was our aim. Now we must deal with a child of man … as a child of God, whose supreme desire and glory it is to know about and to know his almighty Father: as a person of many parts and passions who must know how to use, care for, and discipline himself, body, mind and soul: as a person of many relationships, — to family, city, church, state, neighbouring states, the world at large: as the inhabitant of a world full of beauty and interest, the features of which he must recognise and know how to name, and a world too, and a universe, whose every function of every part is ordered by laws which he must begin to know." Charlotte Mason V. 6, p. 157

Here we have our educational rights: to know that we are sons and daughters of the almighty Father and that we are connected to family, city, church, nation, neighbouring nation, the world, and the universe. This sense of belonging and connection makes us feel valued and included in our communities.

First things first.

The Knowledge of the Father

In devising a curriculum for our children, we read that

"… the knowledge of God ranks first in importance, is indispensable, and most happy-making." Charlotte Mason V. 6, p. 158

Intimate knowledge of Father God is not just to know of or about Him, but to know Him personally and to be known by Him. As we abide with our Lord and He abides in us, we learn to make that knowledge of Him of the utmost importance in the education of our children.

"That they will not boast in their own wisdom, but if they do boast, it would be about their Lord." Jeremiah 9:23-24

And as we learn to commune with Him, that relationship impacts ourselves, our families, our neighbours, our nation, and the world.

Ourselves: We Belong to the King

When our children are young, we start to establish the foundations for a life characterized by self-control and order, as emphasized by Charlotte Mason's principle that "Education is a Discipline." A well-trained life is not solely about behaviour and performance; it also fosters meaningful relationships with God, oneself, others, and the world around us.

Charlotte Mason authored an entire volume titled Ourselves: Improving Character and Conscience (Volume 4) specifically for children. However, parents and teachers could also benefit from it. She intended this work to encourage young people to realize their full potential, emphasizing the immense possibilities within them and the moral guidance provided by God's law.

Learning to know themselves and their relationship with their King involves understanding the concept of 'ordered affections', known as 'Ordo Amoris' in Latin, which refers to the proper ordering of our loves and desires.

In this volume, she refers to the inner man as the 'Kingdom of Mansoul'. A Kingdom with many Officers of State:

"Each has his own distinct job to do to keep Mansoul running smoothly. If every one does his own work, and if they all work together, then the Kingdom of Mansoul is happy and prosperous … Assistants of the Body, or what we call appetites. Then come the Managers of the Revenue, also called Desires. Then the Managers of the Treasury, also called the Affections. Then the Foreign Secretary, or the Intellect, and his co-workers, My Lord Chief Explorer (the imagination), and My Lord President of The Arts (the beauty sense). Then is the Lord Attorney-General, that is, the Reason. Then the Lords of the House of Heart, which are the Lord Chief Justice (the conscience), and the Prime Minister (the will). There are various other Officers of State … but these are the main ones … Above and beyond all of these is the King. Mansoul is a kingdom, after all." Charlotte Mason V. 4, p. 10

"We are not left to ourselves; we have a King who governs us, whose power upholds us, and whom we glorify by every little effort of ours not to enter into temptation." V. 4, p. 119

Family

"… there is nothing in the way of direct teaching that will ever have so wide and lasting an effect as the atmosphere of home. And the gravest thought concerning this is that in this instance there is nothing to learn and nothing to teach: the atmosphere emanates from ourselves — literally is ourselves; our children live in it and breathe it, and what we are is thus incorporated into them. There is no pretence here or possibility of evasion; we may deceive ourselves: in the long run, we never deceive our children. The spirit of home lives, and, what is more, [home atmosphere], is accentuated in them. Atmosphere is much more than teaching, and infinitely more than talk."

The Atmosphere of Home by M. F. Jerrold

In expanding on Charlotte Mason's principle 'Education is an Atmosphere', Susan Schaeffer Macaulay wrote that the atmosphere within the family comes first, whatever abnormalities it may face. "We aim toward an atmosphere of love and forgiveness, within the stability of honouring God's law .. the child gains a deep acceptance, individual value, and a place for creativity while experiencing satisfying relationships."

In the family setting, a child learns many essential skills, such as making space in her bedroom when Granny visits for the weekend, helping to prepare a meal for a family friend who has just had a baby, and being mindful of noise levels when Papa has had a hard day and needs some quiet.

By applying these principles, we teach children that they belong and that they learn to connect with those around them.

Community

I belong to a wonderful little community that meets bi-weekly. These gatherings include hymns, folksongs, poetry, art, handicrafts, stories, and Shakespeare. We encourage each other in this parenting journey, pray, and share meals. We have experienced both joyful and sad moments, and through it all, we have learned the true meaning of belonging.

Our children have formed strong bonds that go beyond our gathering. It's lovely to hear young voices shouting "Bye!" as they drive off to sleepovers or movie nights with friends; to listen to the giggles over dogberryisms in our readings of Shakespeare, and to watch them run off to play with the frisbee when they are done.

And the moms? We have a book study that 'mostly' goes as planned--we have had many times where we just needed to put the books aside and listen to heavy hearts or giggle the time away with silliness. We cherish our time together.

To know and be known! Giving purpose and meaning to our lives.

In my upcoming post, I'll be looking at how we are learning to belong to our nation, the nature around us, and the world at large.

Do you long to belong to a homeschooling community? Join our online community or contact us for tips on how to start your in-person community.

Updated and republished from Brandy Vencel's Afterthoughts Blog.